DEL ZOTTO, YOU OWE ME CASH (luxover) wrote,

This LJ has been, sadly, basically abandoned. I'm still actively writing and posting to ao3, though, so please feel free to reach out to me there, or on tumblr/twitter!!

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As A Sure Thing (Cookmann, 15,318 words): The first time Neal ever sees Dave, they’re at some house party in Warrensburg, Missouri. Neal doesn’t really know what’s going on; he’s still a little tired from the set that he just played, and he’s had enough to drink that his head is a little fuzzy and he kind of just wants to sit down for a few minutes.

Safe as Houses (Cookmann, 11,494 words): Sequel to As a Sure Thing. It’s just that sometimes, sometimes Neal forgets that they’re together and not just together, and that realization makes his heart race and his palms sweat and so Neal tries his hardest to just push the thought out of his mind, push the feeling down and away until he can breathe again.

After The Bar Fight (Cookmann, 1,604 words): “Yeah,” Neal says. David can already see the water condensation from the ziplock bag drip down Neal’s wrist and onto the floor. “He said some shit about me. Not you. I didn’t need you to fucking go in there and try to fight the guy!”

Withholding (Cookmann, 3,741 words): “Alright,” David says. “If I make it from here, you owe me a blowjob.”

In Nothing But Their Own Skin (Cookmann, 1,936 words at one of the Anonymous Kink Memes): Prompt: Dave’s first time. “Don’t worry,” Neal says, “I’ll be gentle.” And the words are nice enough, Neal knows, but he says it like, What are you, a delicate fucking flower? and knows that Dave gets that, that he hears the tone and not the words.

Or Like He Did, But He’s Come Back (Cookmann, 951 words): Dave throws a pool party when they both get back from touring, and Neal thinks he’s an asshole for it.

Meeting Dublin (Cookmann, 1,661 words): When Neal comes home from the tattoo parlor, it’s to the sound of a dog barking—a little, yippy one—and for a second he thinks he’s in the wrong house. He looks around, but no—that’s his couch, and his coffee table, and that’s his gigantic dog and those are his guitars and so he must have imagined it.

To Put Voice To Thought (Cookleta, 8,991 words): David took a class on it, once, so he vaguely knows what happened. Basically, it was just Darwinism at its best: humans had working vocal chords until, one day, they just didn’t need them. And that’s it.

Limbo Blues (Cookleta, 19,774 words): Who could think of a better punishment, really? Everything’s the same here; it’s just a little worse. Based off the movie Wristcutters: A Love Story.

The Art of Perfection (Cookleta, 3,489 words): The problem with living in a world where anyone can be whatever they want, David always says, is that everyone always wants to be beautiful. It sounds great—like a dream, really—but what starts with everyone turning heads inevitably ends with no one turning heads and David starts to slowly realize that waking up pressed against someone who looks like a model makes him feel horribly and inexplicably alone.

The Point (Cookmann, if-you-squint Cookleta, 709 words): Andrew wins and David cries. He so happy and he’s so fucking proud and he calls Andrew to tell him all of that, that he’s happy and proud and about to go onstage in whatever city it is that he’s in and god, Andrew, look at you.

Quiet, Real Quiet (Cookmann, 1,737 words): Neal’s quiet, real quiet, when he roots around in his closet for his coat and his gloves because, yeah, his parents are asleep, but they’re still only one room over and his mom always seems to know when Neal’s doing shit he shouldn’t be.

Breathing Through the Phone (Cookleta, 299 words): Archie calls Cook not to talk, but to hear his breath, its inhales and exhales, the way it hitches when Cook’s close and he twists his hand.

Before They Even Hit The Air (Skibmann, 2,128 words at one of the Anonymous Kink Memes): Prompt: Andy cross-dressing. There’s a lot of fucking people crammed into the apartment, that’s for sure; Neal can barely even move to get another beer. He knows Alexis—of course, this is her apartment—and he knows Kyle, and he thinks Joey should be coming if he’s not here already, but besides that, Neal doesn’t know a goddamn soul.

Two Seconds (Cookleta, 1,266 words): It starts off as a, um, an accident? Because normally Archie wouldn’t say stuff like that and, you know, mean it. A HS!AU.

Fair’s Fair (Dandy, 755 words): In the most important Rock-Paper-Scissors game of the day, David throws Rock.

The Weight of Worth (Andy/Archie, 487 words): Archie’s practically Dave’s kid brother, and friends just don’t do that shit, you know? They don’t go behind each other’s backs and date each other’s kid brothers.

Completely Unprepared (Andy/Archie, 731 words): Archie works at a mall bookstore. And um. It’s not the best job ever? But the cute barista that comes in sometimes more than makes up for it.

Coming To and Moving On (Lambliff, 2,022 words): Tommy always used to laugh at people who have a problem with dying. He doesn’t anymore because he’s like, mature and shit, but he just doesn’t get it. Sure, it hurts like hell for a fraction of a second, but then you Come To right afterwards, hopefully as a bipedal and hopefully in the same place that you left off, but you never know. Either way, it’s nothing to get upset over.

Eyelashes (Lambliff, 2,502 words): Adam doesn’t really know how far back it all started. Maybe it started when he was with Drake or when he was with Brad, or maybe it even started before either of them, before anyone. Then again, maybe it’s just Tommy’s eyelashes that he can’t stop staring at; maybe it’s just Tommy’s eyelashes, long and soft and slightly curled, that he thinks about running a thumb pad over and kissing when Tommy is asleep.

First Date (Cookleta, 513 words): All things considered, Archie thinks, the night goes pretty okay. Sure, Cook knocks over a glass of wine and then later, Archie, um... knocks over a small candle and accidentally lights the table cloth on fire, but it was totally an accident! And besides, Cook extinguishes the fire almost as quickly as Archie starts it, so it isn’t that big of a deal, really.

Elephants (Cookleta, 360 words): They’re standing in a Jeep somewhere in Equatorial Guinea and it’s so hot that Cook feels like he’s sweating out every drop of water in his body.

Pirate Ship (Cookleta 522 words): “No,” David tells him, “I am not kidding you, prisoner.” He looks at Archie. “And I prefer to be acknowledged as Captain of this fine vessel. I’ve got the hat and everything.” He points to his head.

Scooby-Doo AU (ai7/Anthemic Gen, 558): “So, what now?” Cook asks. They’re all standing around the abandoned warehouse and looking at some guy who’s dressed as the ghost of Clay Aiken, unable to move because he’s tied up in Christmas lights and Mardi Gras beads.

St. Patrick’s Day (ai7/Anthemic Gen, 776 words): Neal plunks a glass of green beer in front of him. “Drink up, princess,” Neal says, and Archie thinks that’s just rude.

Marking Skin (Neal/Kyle, 903 words): They’re sitting in the parked tour bus and the rest of the guys are all out, so it’s just the two of them, just Neal and Kyle and nobody else.

In Public (Cookleta, 828 words): Archie’s never been one for public displays of affection, not really, and a part of him really thinks that upsets Cook.


5 People Who Taught Cristiano Ronaldo About Sex (Cristiano Ronaldo / Various, 2,110 words)

Madrid Is (Cristiano Ronaldo / Mesut Özil, 19,960 words): And he’s grateful, infinitely grateful that the Madrileños have taken to him the way they have, but that doesn’t change the fact that he is in Madrid and Madrid is not home Now translated into Chinese !!!)

The Distance Between Two Bodies (David Silva / David Villa, 25,841 words): They’re a team and they decide shit like this together; Villa didn’t pick Barcelona without running it by Silva, and now Silva—he just fucking goes and picks a team in a different goddamn country and doesn’t even think that Villa might want to know, doesn’t even think that maybe Villa will have something to say about the distance or the fact that it’s in different goddamn country—

Feeling Both (Mesut Özil / Angel di Maria, 7,098 words): Mesut watches as Germany changes. They add domes to the football stadiums, darken windows of cars. True Blood is added to every menu, every convenience store, every vending machine. It makes Mesut’s hands shake with the knowledge of how wrong it is.

Rounding Out Family (Cristiano Ronaldo / Mesut Özil, 18,958 words): Cristiano looks at Mesut and he thinks about how nice it could be, not doing all of this alone, and that just comes out of nowhere, because Cristiano is fine on his own, isn’t looking for anybody to round out his family when they’re doing just fine, just him and his son.

The Edge Of Everything (Lionel Messi / David Villa, 10,665 words): Football was there at the beginning and football will be there at the end, and football will be there at every step between those two points, and Leo knows that. Wants that. Needs that.

In the Wake of Loss (Cristiano Ronaldo / Lionel Messi, 7,700 words) Prompt: Post-El Clásico. Leo opens the door and Cristiano is standing there, leaning against the doorjamb like he does it all the time, like it’s normal for him to just swing by. Leo’s confused; he doesn’t even know Cristiano, not really, not in the ways that count, and certainly not enough for them to hang out Now translated into Chinese!!

On a Miss (Kaká / Cristiano Ronaldo, 14,620 words): Cristiano misses the last shot of the last game—a free kick from just outside the box in a match against Almeria—and causes Real Madrid to lose the league title; Barcelona wins out on goal difference alone. (In which Kaká takes Cristiano home with him to Brazil and tries to make him alright.)

The Ebb and Flow of Us Together (David Silva / Raul Albiol, 13,443 words for cornerflag): David wants to be a surgeon, wants to help people who cannot help themselves, but he already is a surfer, from the top of his head to the bottom of his feet, clear through to his bones, and he knows it’s only a matter of time before he gets too old to surf, too old to wipe-out and bounce back, too old.

Filling Up The Space (Steven Gerrard / Xabi Alonso, 4,132 words): “I want the EPL,” Stevie says, and it seems so stupid at first, so ridiculous, because that’s not something that can be divvied up like furniture or kitchenware.

Taking Care of House and Home: (Zlatan Ibrahimović / Helena Seger, 7,050 words): “Come on,” Helena says. Zlatan turns his head just far enough to see that she’s dressed and all made up, just putting in her earrings; she looks sexy as fuck but he buries his face back into the pillow anyways. “Get up. I have to get to work and someone needs to take the boys to school.”

Problems of Placation (Landon Donovan / Steve Nash, 3,223 words): Landon doesn’t really know how he ended up here, on a soccer field with Steve Nash. Steve’s loving it, really having a blast, but Landon could be having a better time. He could be on his couch at home watching The Hangover, or lip-synching to pop radio hits with Benny in his car. He could be napping.

Big Weekend Plans (Landon Donovan / Steve Nash, 4,186 words, sequel to Problems of Placation): Steve’s there, wearing an inside-out Galaxy jersey because he’s not supposed to be wearing team colors in the box, and he’s holding a megaphone. He waves like a maniac when he sees Landon looking and yells, “Hey Landon! L.D., over here!” Landon just shakes his head and walks closer to midfield.

Donovash Or You Ain’t Shit: A Primer (Landon Donovan / Steve Nash, pictures and ficlets)

This Is How It’s Going To Go (Diego Forlán / Luis Suarez, 5,651 words): “Try not to punch anyone,” Diego says, and Luis just rolls his eyes, because he has the reputation of being the hotheaded one on the squad, even though Victorino is the one who’ll throw punches if someone touches his alfajores. “Playing man down is still hard, even when we’re only missing you.”

The Entire Time (David Silva / Lionel Messi / David Villa, 8,409 words): Leo gets detention on a Friday. Written for the prompt high school au where messi’s a long-haired stoner/outcast/whatever.

Something in the Difference (Cristiano Ronaldo / Mesut Özil, 2,044 words): Mesut’s completely different from him in almost every way that he can think of, and Cristiano likes that about him.

A Steady Slope; Or: Five Moments of Quiet Change for Louisa Nécib (Louisa Nécib / Samir Nasri, 2,835 words): Louisa’s seventeen when the Centre National de Formation et d'Entraînement selects her to attend the academy at Clairefontaine, and even though that should be the best thing that ever happened to her football career, everything just goes to hell

All That Really Matters, In The End (Thiago Alcântara / Rafa Alcântara, 6,148 words): Almost everyone’s asleep on the bus. “Hey,” Thiago whispers, and Rafa looks at him. They’re sitting together—they always do, whenever they can, of course, of course—and their shoulders press together where the two seats meet. “Quit taking up the whole armrest.”

The Permanence of Ink (Thiago Alcântara / Rafa Alcântara, 920 words): They’re watching a movie in their sweats, and Rafa isn’t wearing a shirt; Rafa never wears a shirt, not if he doesn’t have to, but Thiago’s still never noticed the ink on his brother’s skin before. He wonders how long it’s been there.

To Say and To Mean (Cristiano Ronaldo/ Kaká, 930 words): They’re at Kaká’s house, sitting on the couch, and everything’s quiet except for the tv, loud and blasting the evening news. They hung out all day, no practice or anything, and that’s pretty—pretty ideal for Cristiano, to just sit in Kaká’s empty house and do nothing with him.

Learning How to Wait (Cristiano Ronaldo / Kaká, 750 words): Cristiano Ronaldo has never been known to be a patient man, but he learns to wait for Kaká.

Certain Things (Cristiano Ronaldo/ Kaká, 1,928 words): It’s only been a few weeks, but Cristiano’s learned so much: the ins and outs of a wheelchair, what atrophy is, all the meanings to Kaká’s different smiles and the way Kaká talks about God like God means to him what football means to Cristiano.

The Quality of Goodness (Cristiano Ronaldo / Kaká, 421 words): He doesn’t bother asking Kaká why he prays for those things, because he’s done that before and Kaká’s just smiled, rolled his eyes, said, “Quit poking fun,” and Cristiano didn’t know how to say that he wasn’t, he just didn’t understand.

This Match, Next Match (Leo Messi / Ibrahim Afellay, 2,085 words): Leo knows, logically, that missing the penalty doesn’t really mean anything. He knows that Barcelona was already up 5-0 from the first leg, and that losing to Betis the way they did doesn’t really mean much. Rationally, sensibly, Leo knows this.

Playa de Ereaga (Javi Martínez / Fernando Llorente, 1,335 words): Javi watches Fernando, sometimes. He doesn’t realize it at first—doesn’t realize it for a long time—but when he does, it’s all he can think about. Is it weird? It’s probably weird, he thinks. Or, well, maybe not; Fernando’s his best friend and a great footballer and Javi doesn’t—doesn’t mean anything by it.

Like This For Two Weeks Now (Javi Martínez /Fernando Llorente, 2,446 words): He’s smiling still, and Javi feels like such an idiot for it, because he’s known Fernando for ages, and known him like this for two weeks now, but it still makes him want to kiss Fernando, want to tug his hair or slip his hands up underneath Fernando’s shirt, just because he can.

Family Feud (Leo Messi gen, 901 words): Mafia!AU. After dinner, Don Guardiola calls Leo into his office and no one says anything because getting called into the Godfather’s office is serious and rarely results in anything good. Now with a Silvilla coda and an Alcantaras coda!

Snow Fights in the Nighttime (Cesc Fàbregas / Gerard Piqué, 2,163 words): Gerard wakes up to cold hands on his neck. Written for a gift exchange and posted here for archival sake.

Reminders Left Over (Pep Guardiola / Bojan Krkić, 2,145 words): Pep and Bojan get outed.


Nothing Else Like It (Brad/Nate, 6,935 words): They’re in Kuwait, still waiting for orders to ship out, when pictures of the first ever Stark Phone are released. Written for the YAGKYAS 2012 wild card prompt, ‘The Avengers.’

The Latent Bonding of Devil Dogs at War (Brad/Ray, 53,463 words): "You should be so lucky," Brad says, and he watches Ray tighten his grip on the steering wheel before looking back out the window. "Nothing worse than getting tied to one person and having no say in who you have to fuck for the rest of your life." In which Brad winds up bonded to Ray, and isn't exactly happy with the situation.


Five Times Sidney Just Knows (And One Time He Doesn't Understand) (Sidney Crosby/Evgeni Malkin, 3,760 words): And then—and he's not sure why he does this—Sidney turns to look at Geno, to see if he's smiling along, only to find that Geno's looking right back at him. He's already shirtless, the skin of his chest on display as he leans forward to remove the sock tape from around his shin pad, and Sidney knows that look, recognizes how it makes him feel.

The Upside of Accident (Jeff Skinner/Jordan Staal, 5,185 words): “Ah, fuck,” Jeff says, and the smile stretches its way across his face, putting lines in the corners of his eyes and dimples in his cheeks. “I gotta deal with two of you, now?” Or: An accidental dating fic.

Laughter at a Closer Distance (Jordan Eberle/Taylor Hall, 6,033 words): The thing is, if it wasn't for his nerves and all that, Taylor would mostly just be super embarrassed that he didn't see this coming. Maybe he should have known something was up when the cheapest dude on the planet invited him out for a roommates' dinner at a pretty nice place, but somehow he just forgot to ask himself, Could this whole thing be a ploy to get me to an over-priced restaurant that Whits'll never actually show up to because he's a douchebag who thinks he's helping things by setting me up on a surprise date with Ebby?

Pond Ice and the In Between (Sidney Crosby/Evgeni Malkin, 48,271 words): “I thought your name was Zhenya,” Sid says, which—right, they didn’t talk about that, he just read it on the name tag and also probably butchered the pronunciation beyond repair. He thinks, maybe, that he should have only two states in life: on the ice, and in the office, and there should never exist any in between for him. He feels his face flush as he sort of tries to fix the situation, gesturing to his own chest, to where his nametag would be if he wore one, and says, “Your, uh. Your nametag yesterday said Zhenya? So I thought… I don’t know.” Or: the coffee shop AU that is still somehow all about hockey.


The Visible Beauty of a Voice That Sings (Liam/Zayn, 5,264 words): “You have the most beautiful voice I’ve ever seen,” Liam says, whispering because it’s a secret, because it’s truer than anything he’s ever said in his entire life. For a prompt in which Liam has synesthesia.

The Difference Between Knowing and Knowing (Liam/Zayn, 20,250 words): “They say I’m in a band,” Liam tells his mom. He squeezes his eyes shut, his phone pressed tight against his ear. “I don’t even remember any of it.” In which Liam gets temporary amnesia and forgets things even more important than the fact that he’s in a band.

Roughhousing in the Middle of the Road (Gen, 742 words): The boys mess around while filming One Thing.

The One Where Zayn’s a Solo Hip-Hop Artist and Liam is a Big Fan (Liam/Zayn, 2,437 words)

Untitled Liam/Zayne Smoking Kink-ish (Liam/Zayn, 650 words)

The Barter System (girl!Louis/Harry, 873 words): Girl!Louis and Harry, at home in the morning.

The Boundaries of More (Louis/Harry, 953 words): Louis gives Harry a handie in the ocean and has a lot of feelings, basically.

Something About Being Here With You (Louis/Harry, 733 words): A Wristcutters: A Love Story AU.


To All of Space and Time (Mike/Harvey, Doctor Who!AU, 10,468 words) What Mike learned from that—because there’s always something to be learned, when Harvey’s involved—is that there are two types of people in the world: those who get you off the hook, and those who put you on it. He’s running for his life down a corridor with an empty fishbowl under his arm when he wonders which kind the Doctor is.

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